A Letter To Linda

Dear Linda,

It's been a long time since we've talked.  And, girl, you and I had some good talks, didn't we?  Just thought I'd drop a few lines to let you know what's going on with the kids.

They are growing like weeds!  Caitlin is as tall as me now.  Can you believe it?  And she has the most beautiful smile.  When she smiles, her eyes twinkle as if she has a secret and she knows you want to know what it is, but she ain't telling.  Everyone says she looks like me, but she definitely has your smile.

She plays basketball now.  Like you.  She tries out for the school team in several weeks.  And God help her competition 'cause she wants this really bad.  She's determined to make the team.  So say a little prayer for her.


And Ryan.  Blond and blue-eyed.  You'd hardly recognize him because he's grown so much since you last saw him.  Even though I have some blondies on my side of the family, I gotta think that his blond hair mainly comes from your Norwegian ancestors.  Don't you think?


He's not quite as tall as me yet, but he'll be there [and beyond] soon enough.  He's in that stage where boys are trying to be all grown up and not playing "little kid" games.  And it's funny 'cause when he's talking he tries to talk in a lower voice.  So cute.  He wouldn't appreciate me saying so.  But it's true.  He's been growing out his hair a little bit.  Not too much.  His dad is not real happy about it, but Caitlin and I think it looks good.  I figure, it's a shame to cut off all that blond hair.  [Especially since I'd do anything to have all that blond hair.  Naturally.  *snort*]


He's playing basketball for a competitive league, but he hurt his knee a couple of weeks ago.  Thankfully it was just a severely bruised knee.  Should be back for the playoffs.  So, say a little prayer for him, too.


Ry got his first pair of glasses a couple of weeks ago, and he and Caitlin both got contacts.  Now, we all have corrected vision.  Ry said he was surprised by all the stuff he'd been missing.  It took a little while, but they've gotten the hang of putting their contacts in every morning.  Although, Ry got such a positive response from the girls at school when he wore his glasses, that he likes wearing them to school.  [Rolling eyes heavenward.]


We'll be desperately missing you during the holidays this year.  As we always do.  They're just not the same without you.  But you're never far from our thoughts.  And with your beautiful photo on the mantle, it's almost like you're here.  Almost.


Oh, you'll like this.  The other day Caitlin said she was changing her favorite color from green to purple.  "Like Grandma," she said.  Of course, you know how teenage girls are.  By next week, she'll have probably changed her mind at least 3 times.  Oh well.  That's a girl's prerogative, right?


Speaking of colors, Caitlin has a pep rally today at school, and the theme is "Pink Out" for Breast Cancer Awareness.  Needless to say, everyone is wearing pink.  And she wanted me to decorate a t-shirt for her.  How could I resist?  It's hot pink, and on the front is a big glittery silver ribbon, and it reads, "Shouting out PINK for the cure."  And, of course, I added pink glitter to the letters.  On the back it reads, "I wear PINK for my Grandma" with the "my Grandma" in purple.  [Of course.]  And more pink glitter.  [Dang glitter.  It's in my hair, on my hands, on my face, and God only knows where else.  It's probably the reason my eyes are watering as I write.]  Anyway, I think you'd like it.  It's flashy.  Just the way ya' like it.  Caitlin loved it too, and she was really excited about wearing it this morning.


It doesn't seem like 11 years have gone by since we last saw you.  But don't ever think you're far from our thoughts.  Because you're always there.


In our thoughts.


In our hearts.


In everything we do, you're there, Linda.  And while I'd rather have you here physically [What can I say?  I'm greedy like that.], I'll take what I can get.


Well, I guess I'll close for now.  Just wanted to give you a "grandkids update."


Take care.  We miss you


Love,
Caroline


P.S.  Here's some pics of the shirt.  The silver and pink glitter turned to gold because of the lighting, but I think you can get an idea of what it looks like. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Linda, my mother-in-law, valiantly fought breast cancer, and I've written about her here previously.  At the top of my sidebar up above, is a button/link from the Breast Cancer Site.  With every click, a sponsor donates, and 100% of the donation goes to helping women afford mammograms.  And the only thing you have to do is click it.  That's it.  So, click it.

~C

Becoming Aware

Feeling Helpless
When it had become apparent that my mother-in-law, Linda Jo Pointer was beginning  to get sicker and sicker with breast cancer and that the chemo wasn't working [for the umpteenth time], we had a conversation that left me feeling so totally helpless [which is something that I don't like].  My son was just a baby and my daughter had just had her 2nd birthday.  While on the phone with her, I was watching my daughter play on the floor with her toys and my son was laying down on the floor on a blanket drooling and cooing.

I Won't Let Them Forget
We had a conversation that I really didn't want to have, but knew that it was necessary.  She said, "I'm not afraid to die.  I know that this 'beast' is going to get me."  ["Beast" was her nickname for breast cancer.]  She went on to say, "...the one thing that upsets me is that my grandkids won't remember me."  With tears in my eyes, I looked at her grandkids.  I then replied with false bravado [hoping that she couldn't "hear" me holding back my tears], "Don't worry.  I won't let them forget."  Several months later on October 28, 1999, Linda passed away, leaving her disease-ridden body for her eternal one that would know no pain and no tears.

Remembering...A Steel Magnolias Moment
Of course, I knew at the time what she meant.  She meant that they wouldn't have memories of her, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to control that [much to my chagrin].  However, my husband and I have tried our best over the years to bring grandma up at every moment possible.  We talk about her and how much she loved the color purple, and how much she loved angels.  We always say at birthdays and holidays how much grandma would've loved being here experiencing it with them.  Also, we have photos of her displayed throughout the house.

I shared on Mother's Day a short story about my daughter ~ my Steel Magnolia's moment:

One of my favorite all-time chick movies is "Steel Magnolias" because of the display of friendship and family. However, I think my favorite scene is towards the end when the mother, Sally Field's character, is crying after her daughter's funeral, then she gets angry and says she wants to hit something. This is the point [of course] when you can't stop the tears from falling from your eyes, and just when you think you can't take anymore, Olympia Dukakis' character grabs Shirley McLain's character and replies, "Here, hit her." And suddenly you're laughing through your tears...comic relief...a release...

This is my mother-in-law, Linda Jo. She was the single best mother-in-law in the whole world, and I don't have to meet any of the others to know this. She loved her family, friends, dogs, kids, people, anything purple, and angels. I don't know exactly how the whole angels thing started. She was a hairdresser, and I think it began when one of her clients gave her an angel. It caught on, and soon thereafter all she received were angels for gifts for every occasion.

Linda fought a valiant fight against breast cancer. Though her body is gone, her spirit is alive and doing well [thank you very much]. Her spirit is in her kids...in her grandkids...Soon after she died, my husband was cleaning out her condo while I was at home with the kids [my son was just 6 months old]. I was changing my son's diaper while my daughter was standing on the bed watching. My husband called and asked what he should do with all of his mom's clothes [she had a ton of them]. I suggested he donate them, and then we hung up, both of us with heavy hearts. My daughter [two and a half at the time] was silent for a little while then she asked, "Mom, is grandma naked in heaven?" Obviously she had overheard our conversation, and I couldn't let her have an image of her grandma naked in heaven...So I replied, "No. No, honey. Grandma is not naked in heaven. She's wearing a long flowing purple robe." My daughter jumped off the bed and ran off to play, relieved that grandma was not naked in heaven. Aahhh...my own "Steel Magnolias" moment!

My kids may not technically "remember" grandma, but they do know her ~ it's the best that my husband and I could do.

Some Things Are Better Left In History
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Do something this month to become aware or to make others aware of breast cancer.  In the top right-hand corner of my blog is a "button".  Everytime it's clicked, a donation is made by a sponsor for a woman who can't afford a mammogram, and your cost?  A click.  That's it.  If you have a blog, a "button" for your blog can be found on their site: TheBreastCancerSite.com.  Make people aware.  Also, if you're on Twitter or Facebook, breast cancer awareness Twibbons can be found here: Twibbon.com.

Let's make breast cancer a part of history and not a part of family history!


Credits:
The "Grandma" design was made by Caroline Pointer.  The angel was drawn by Linda's granddaughter.